I was recently thinking about self-discipline and what it really means to be disciplined. Self-discipline is often painted as this rigid, miserable existence – depriving yourself, going against your natural inclinations, and having no fun whatsoever. But in my experience, I’ve come to see self-discipline in a very different light.
Self-discipline is not about being hard on yourself. It’s about making the conscious choice, day in and day out, to pursue what matters most to you. True self-discipline comes from a place of self-awareness and self-respect, not self-punishment.
There’s this pervasive myth that self-discipline is an innate personality trait – some people have it, others don’t. But I firmly believe self-discipline is a skill that anyone can develop. And I’ve seen this time and time again. When you look at successful people, you might assume they are successful because of their discipline. But in most cases, their discipline is a result of their commitment to their goals.
So let’s break down this concept of self-discipline and look at how you can cultivate it, no matter your starting point. Because self-discipline is the bridge between your goals and accomplishments. It’s what enables you to do what you should do, when you should do it, regardless of your temporary mood or motivation. Mastering self-discipline is not about reaching perfection, but about training yourself to make the best choices for your life more consistently. It’s an ongoing practice.
Understanding the Foundations of Self-Discipline
A Two-Phase Process
I recently watched a video by Kiana Docherty that talks about how discipline is developed in the US military (I embedded the video below). According to her research, self-discipline develops in two phases: first you build disciplined behaviors, then you build a disciplined character. These are called these Discipline B and Discipline A. Discipline B comes first. It’s where you establish clear standards for yourself in your work, health, relationships, and personal growth. You consciously choose to show up, follow through, and stick to your commitments.
Over time, as you consistently practice these disciplined behaviors, they evolve into a disciplined attitude, or Discipline A. This is when discipline goes from being something you do to being a core part of who you are. Your daily choices become habits aligned with your deepest values.
The Role of Purpose
A key thing to understand about building self-discipline is that it’s a lot easier when it’s tied to a strong sense of purpose. I’ve found this to be especially true for entrepreneurs. When you have a clear vision for your business and you can connect your daily tasks to that larger mission, discipline becomes an internally-motivated choice. You’re not just forcing yourself to do things, you’re actively choosing to do the work required to achieve something that really matters to you.
Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius put it well when he said “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for?” That sense of inner conviction makes all the difference. You’re not just going through the motions, you’re expressing your purpose through your work and life.
Another foundation of self-discipline is learning to keep your commitments to yourself. This is important. Far too often, we overschedule and overcommit ourselves to others while pushing our own needs and goals to the backburner. But every time you break a promise to yourself, you undermine your self-respect and reinforce the belief that your own priorities don’t matter.
Part of my work coaching executives is to help them rebalance their lives and work on respecting their own time and energy first. Because you can’t sustainably be your best for others if you’re not first being your best for yourself. Following through on your promises to yourself, however small, gradually builds trust in yourself. And self-trust is absolutely pivotal to self-discipline.
Practical Strategies for Developing Self-Discipline
So we’ve looked at the philosophical foundations, but how do you actually put self-discipline into practice, day-to-day?
Start Small and Build Gradually
One of the biggest obstacles I see is people trying to make sweeping changes and getting overwhelmed. They commit to waking up two hours earlier, going to the gym every day, completely overhauling their diet, saying yes to every opportunity. But trying to change too much too quickly is a recipe for burnout and losing momentum.
The key is to start small and specific. Don’t just tell yourself “I’m going to be more disciplined.” Pick one area of focus, like building a new morning routine or working out three times a week, and commit to it for a specific period, like a month.
Break your goal down into tiny, repeatable actions you can take daily or weekly. As psychologist and author Neil A. Fiore says, “Replace “This project is so big and important” with “I can take one small step.” Discipline is a muscle you build through consistency, not overexertion.
Trigger-Based Routines
Another powerful strategy is to attach your habits to clear triggers, making them specific to time and place. I have implemented a habit where the first thing I do when sit down at my desk is write down the 3 most important priorities for the day on a whiteboard next to my monitor. That visual cue is a reminder to stay focused. Design your environment to make good choices easier.
The Four C’s of Self-Motivation
Something I want to mention now is Scott Geller’s Four C’s of Self-Motivation: Competence, Consequences, Choice, and Community. You can apply these same principles to build genuine self-motivation for discipline.
- Competence means believing you have the abilities, skills, and resources to accomplish your goal. It’s having faith in your capability to rise to the challenge.
- Consequences is the belief that the work you are doing is worthwhile. That what you are doing provides an outcome that you want.
- Choice means taking full ownership and seeing your disciplines as active choices, not punishments. You’re an agent, not a victim in your life.
- Community means you have people who believe in your potential and support your growth. You have accountability and you’re not alone in your journey.
When you put these four elements together, self-discipline shifts from a chore to an empowered way of being. You’re not forcing yourself, you’re investing in yourself.
Practicing Willingness
A concept I’ve found really useful for self-discipline comes from addiction expert Dr. Jonathan Bricker. He explains that true self-control paradoxically comes from letting go of control. It’s the practice of “willingness” – allowing your uncomfortable cravings and urges to just be there without either resisting them or acting on them.
Most people try to white-knuckle their way past temptations, but that inner struggle actually makes the temptation stronger. With willingness, there’s no struggle. You acknowledge the feeling, and simply make a conscious choice to act in alignment with your goals and values anyway. Over time, this willingness builds resilience and emotional regulation – the foundations of self-discipline.
Growth Mindset
The last practical strategy I’ll touch on is cultivating a growth mindset. Psychologist Carol Dweck has found in her research that shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset is one of the biggest keys to success in any domain.
A fixed mindset assumes your abilities and traits are innate and carved in stone. You believe you’re either disciplined or you’re not. Faced with a challenge, you’re afraid to fail, because failure is seen as evidence of a deep and permanent lack of ability.
But a growth mindset embraces challenges and sees them as opportunities to learn. You don’t have to attain perfection on your first attempt. Failure is not a statement about your potential, but a temporary stumbling block on the path to improvement. You can learn to be more disciplined; your sincere effort matters more than your initial skill level.
I love this quote from Dweck: “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset.” This perfectly sums up what it means to practice self-discipline. Your commitment to growth outweighs your need for comfort or your fear of failure. And that’s incredibly powerful.
Obstacles to Self-Discipline and How to Overcome Them
Perfectionism
Of course, building self-discipline is easier said than done. Even if you’ve bought into the idea, you’ll inevitably face some internal resistance and obstacles. A big one is perfectionism.
Perfectionism often masquerades as “high standards,” but in reality, it’s a manifestation of the fixed mindset and a major form of self-sabotage. Perfectionism tells you that if you can’t do something just right, you shouldn’t bother doing it at all.
I’ve coached people who struggle with perfectionism, and it keeps them stuck procrastinating, second-guessing themselves, and avoiding important tasks. They’re so paralyzed by the fear of failure that they don’t take action at all.
If you find yourself falling into a perfectionist mindset, remind yourself “done is better than perfect.” Perfectionism is often rooted in black-and-white thinking: if it’s not ideal, it’s worthless. Challenge yourself to find the nuance and look for the value in just starting, in making progress, even in failure. Every step forward can be its own form of success.
Replace “I have to” with “I choose to”
Another mental shift I highly recommend is replacing the phrase “I have to” with “I choose to.” This is straight out of the work of Neil A. Fiore.
Think about the difference between saying “I have to go to the gym” and “I choose to go to the gym.” The first sounds like an obligation, the second is an empowered choice. When you tell yourself you “have to,” you imply that you’re being controlled by some external force. But when you say you “choose to,” you’re reminding yourself that you’re in the driver’s seat.
Every day, we have the freedom to choose who we want to be – even if we can’t always choose our circumstances. Connecting your sense of choice to your deeper sense of purpose ignites your intrinsic motivation. You’re not disciplined because you “have to be,” but because you understand the value and rewards of the work you’re choosing to do.
Avoid Blaming
Finally, watch out for the temptation to blame. It’s easy to point fingers and make excuses when you slip up. But as Carol Dweck wisely put it, “You aren’t a failure until you start to blame.”
Blaming outside circumstances, other people, or your own perceived limitations only keeps you stuck. It’s a way of abdicating responsibility for your choices. Remember, self-discipline is a process of growth, not perfection. When you take full ownership of your journey, including your missteps, you retain the power to learn and improve.
The Long-Term Benefits of Self-Discipline
The beautiful thing about committing to the practice of self-discipline is that it completely transforms your experience of life and work. When you operate from a foundation of self-awareness, self-respect, and integrity, you feel more grounded and purposeful. You make better choices, not because you feel like you have to, but because those choices align with your highest vision for yourself and your life.
Self-discipline is what allows you to keep showing up as your best even when you don’t feel like it – and that consistency is what creates real accomplishments and results over time. It’s like compound interest for your personal development. Small daily deposits accumulate into huge growth over the long-term.
I’ve seen this first-hand in my own life and in the lives of others. The ones who create the outcomes they want aren’t necessarily the ones who are the smartest, most talented, or most well-connected to start. They’re the ones who commit to the sometimes unglamorous daily work of showing up for themselves and their vision, even when it’s hard, tedious, or uncomfortable.
Brian Tracy, self-development author, said “To achieve greatly, you must become a different person. It is not the material things you accomplish or acquire that matter so much as it is the quality of the person you must become to accomplish well above the average.”
That’s really the hidden gift of self-discipline. By practicing it, you’re not just reaching external goals, you’re becoming someone with an extraordinary inner strength of character. Self-discipline is the ultimate form of self-mastery and self-leadership. When you learn to lead yourself well, you can lead others well.
Final Thoughts
I know committing to self-discipline can sound intimidating at first. It requires going against the grain of your default habits and giving up the momentary comfort of always doing what “feels good.” But truly, self-discipline is one of the most loving and liberating choices you can make for yourself. Because you’re putting your deepest values and vision above petty temptations and fleeting impulses. You’re choosing to be the author of your own story.
And here’s the wonderful secret – self-discipline eventually feels good. When you override that temporary desire to procrastinate, and do the meaningful work you committed to, you feel proud. When you choose the salad over the fries, you feel healthy and energized. When you keep your word and refuse to let yourself or others down, you feel honorable.
The more you override those unproductive impulses, the more you wire your brain to crave the rewards and experience of being disciplined. It’s not about perfection or constant strain and effort. It’s about practicing the loving choice to do what’s best for you, one moment at a time.
It doesn’t matter what level of self-discipline you’re starting from. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve gotten off track in the past. You can begin building this skill right now, with the very next choice you make.
Remember, you always have a choice. You can make excuses or you can make progress. You don’t have to overhaul your entire life overnight. Just start with one tiny promise to yourself and follow through. Then another, and another. Let yourself be a beginner and celebrate the small victories. Commit to the process and have faith in the gradual magic of showing up for yourself each day.
Self-discipline is the path of purpose and personal power. Once you unlock it, you hold the key to achieving anything you dream of and becoming the person you know you can be. Choose to believe in your own potential and start sculpting yourself into your highest vision. Your future self will thank you.
Next steps
If you are interested in working with a business coach to develop your self-discipline, you can book a one-on-one business coaching session with me or you can sign up for my 3-month business coaching package.
